Ooo, if that one doesn’t cut straight to it. One thing I want to leave behind in 2024 is my people-pleasing habits, which is really hard. I hate feeling like I have disappointed people or not done a good job. Saying no is hard, asking for help is hard… it is easier just to do what is asked and also not rely on others. It is also hard to recognize when I should say no, I usually realize too late that I should have said no.
I think it will free me by allowing me to be my authentic self, by wanting to make others happy I don’t do what I want – and most of the time those I am trying to make happy don’t appreciate my efforts or sacrifices.
Stopping people-pleasing can feel freeing because it allows you to live more authentically and prioritize your own needs, values, and well-being. Here’s why:
- Reclaiming Your Autonomy
When you stop people-pleasing, you regain control over your choices and actions. You no longer feel obligated to comply with others’ expectations, which can be liberating. - Setting Boundaries
People-pleasing often involves neglecting personal boundaries to satisfy others. Learning to say “no” empowers you to protect your energy and time. - Authentic Relationships
By being true to yourself, you foster relationships based on mutual respect and understanding rather than a need for approval. This leads to deeper, more genuine connections. - Reduced Stress and Burnout
Constantly trying to meet others’ needs at the expense of your own can be exhausting. Letting go of this habit reduces stress and helps you focus on what truly matters to you. - Enhanced Self-Worth
People-pleasing often stems from seeking external validation. When you stop, you learn to value yourself independently of others’ opinions, boosting your self-esteem. - Freedom to Pursue Your Goals
You’re no longer distracted by the need to please others, which creates space to focus on your passions, dreams, and personal growth. - Living in Alignment with Your Values
Pleasing others can lead you to compromise your values. Breaking free allows you to live in a way that aligns with your true self.
Curious about how to curb this behavior I asked Chat GPT
Stopping people-pleasing is a process that involves self-awareness, practice, and a commitment to change. Here are some practical steps to help you stop people-pleasing and embrace your authentic self:
- 1. Recognize the Behavior
Awareness: Notice when you’re acting out of a desire to please others instead of staying true to your own needs or values.
Patterns: Reflect on situations where you feel pressured to say “yes” or seek approval. What triggers these responses? - Understand the Root Cause
Explore Your Motivations: People-pleasing often stems from fear of rejection, a need for validation, or past experiences (e.g., being taught to avoid conflict).
Challenge Beliefs: Ask yourself if pleasing others truly makes you more likable or accepted—or if it leads to resentment and exhaustion. - Set Healthy Boundaries
Learn to Say No: Practice polite but firm ways to decline requests. For example, “I appreciate you asking, but I can’t commit to that right now.”
Start Small: Begin setting boundaries in low-stakes situations to build confidence. - Prioritize Your Needs
Self-Care: Make your well-being a priority. Regularly ask yourself, “What do I need or want in this situation?”
Align With Your Values: Focus on what truly matters to you rather than what others expect. - Tolerate Discomfort
Face the Fear: It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when you stop pleasing others. Remind yourself that it’s okay if not everyone agrees with or likes your decisions.
Build Resilience: Over time, the discomfort will lessen as you grow more confident in asserting yourself. - Practice Assertiveness
Communicate Clearly: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I take on too much.”
Be Direct but Kind: Assertiveness isn’t about being rude; it’s about being honest while respecting yourself and others. - Reflect on Your Progress
Celebrate Wins: Acknowledge moments when you put yourself first or set a boundary successfully.
Learn from Slip-Ups: If you fall back into people-pleasing, reflect on what happened and use it as a learning opportunity. - Seek Support
Friends and Family: Share your journey with trusted individuals who can encourage and support you.
Professional Help: A therapist or coach can help you explore deep-seated patterns and develop strategies to change them. - Practice Self-Compassion
Be Kind to Yourself: Remember, breaking the habit of people-pleasing takes time. It’s okay to make mistakes along the way.
Affirmations: Use positive affirmations like, “I am worthy of respect and care, even when I say no.” - Redefine Success
Shift Your Focus: Instead of measuring success by others’ approval, focus on your happiness, authenticity, and fulfillment.
Accept Imperfection: Realize that you can’t please everyone—and that’s perfectly okay.
By practicing these steps consistently, you can break free from people-pleasing and lead a more empowered, authentic, and fulfilling life.
ugg… all things I don’t like